Oh damn.
What’s going on? You can’t call it a broken heart. Or can you? We weren’t even together in the first place… and it’s been so long since I last spoke to him. And I’m not even attracted to him. He’s not really fit. He walks round making fun of people and wearing his hat really weird so it looks like he’s got the tower of babel on his head.
And he’s not like other people, who chat up girls and look really fit and make everyone laugh, and look at me sometimes in that special way.
I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I miss him so much that it’s impossible to talk. Sometimes I laugh at myself for ever having liked him.
I’m going over everything that happened, every word we said trying to work out what went wrong.
I know he won’t notice me, that all that will happen is I’ll end up feeling more rejected. So why do I think, each time I approach the corners in the hallways, will he be round this one?
Why do I still feel like it was only yesterday that he walked out of my life? Why am I still giving him pieces of my heart when he doesn’t need them anymore?
With him, it was fun. It was something new. Back then, no one had ever been seriously attracted to me. I was really flattered. Now it’s not like that at all anymore: it’s not fun, it’s not new, he’s not the only one. Why do I keep coming back to him? Singing the same songs, sighing with nostalgia? Why…
It’s the strangest feeling, like part of me is happy and part longing for him. Literally, I’m two people. I smile and laugh on the outside, but inside it’s so different.
It’s tearing me apart. And I know it was my fault for not taking the chances I had.
And I thought it would be easier once I was sure there was no more hope for us, but it’s even harder now I have nothing to hold on to. I’m drifing.
I’m mad.
And that’s why it really hurts… You do it to yourself, you do… and that’s why it really hurts…
