I hate it when things change. I hated it when my best girl friend moved away. having her as a friend was like the calm in the storm, an oasis in the desert. And she moved after five months. Another of my best friends moved just recently. He was a true friend, someone who mde me laugh so much. But most of all, I hate it when somebody you love,and who loved you, forgets about you. He was…is, someone who got past my boundaries and lived in my heart, with his kindness and his laughter and his deep, dark brown eyes. But most of all his love, I’ve never been loved like that before and his rollercoaster swept me away. There was chemistry, a really strong reaction to each other, an explosion that didn’t need fire to fuel it, because we fuelled each other. Now he’s gone. I’ve gone out of his life, and I guess a wind has blown away all his desire for me, and it’s left me feeling cold. He introduced me to a world I didn’t know – the world of having someone love you, who you loved. He played games with me, tiptoeing round me, but I must have slipped past them somehow. I remember the last word I said to him, bye. A simple word and such a casual one, but somehow I imbued it with half a years worth of meaning, half a years worth of love, his and mine. On that sunny day, I watched him walk out of the gates. I would not see him for a month. and, as I know now, he would not see me ever again. At least, not as the person who had set his world into motion. Bye. It’s a curse.
Today, when we finally see each other, I see him but he doesn’t see me. And rather than holding on to a shred of hope that he still remembers those days, I’m moving on. Because there are others. Others who like me, others who I like. There is no point sighing over what ifs, because I guess we were just one of those couples who was always meant to be, but never actually happened. I’m moving on from him, and there are eyes of other colours than brown.
September: the time of year to mend my heart yet again, make new friends and forget the old things. But I hope, I do hope, that I will never be just a face in the crowd for him. Just as he never will be for me.
